Why is it that right when you think life is good, all of the sudden something happens that is challenging and then you feel like you no longer can go on anymore? It's like you hit a wall and think, "This is it. This is the end of my road. No more from me." Everything around you seems to be crumbling and you wonder how in the world you will make it out of the situation you are in. I have been feeling like that a lot lately, and it's frustrating. I feel like I have been hit with situation after situation and everything is going wrong. I don't understand it. I have a good life and I believe that 100%. I mean, I have Christ, I have great friends, I have a family that loves me, and I have a boyfriend who cares about me....but yet things happen, and it makes everything seem out of whack.
For instance, my family is a mess. I feel like no matter how good it gets, it always goes bad again. Every single part of my family is crazy. There are twisted relationships and mad marriages and hurtful pasts. And it's like the past is lived out in the present. No amount of "working things out" fixes anything. It might be good for a couple weeks but the sour ruins the good taste in my mouth, and next time it's "good," I can't get the bad taste out of my mouth, so nothing is truly sweet anymore. Does that make any sort of sense?
I am mainly struggling with the family. There are other problems going around, but all are things that I know will iron out in time. For instance, there's Brian. I miss him so much and I hate being far away from him, but I know that everything will be okay. I know we care for each other and time and space won't change that. So, of course it's hard, but it's something I can deal with and something I trust will work out. There is no doubt in my mind that it's gonna be okay.
So, the family is the hardest right now. I just feel like I can't handle it anymore and I'm not gonna be able to hold out much longer. That's hard for me to admit! I need prayers because I feel like I'm hitting bottom. The only breath of fresh air that I have is Christ and my friends. I know that sounds terrible because shouldn't Christ be enough? But I AM struggling. I need so much prayer.
Here is what I try to dwell on though. God is bringing things like this into my life in order to shape me into who i need to be. I will fall on my face and screw up, but He knows all about that. These trials are refining me into who I need to be and they are preparing me for eternity in Heaven. Christ is the Potter, I am the clay. The "ripping and punching" that I receive aren't meant to hurt me. It's Christ "molding and shaping" me. It's not all negative like I see it. God sees the big picture and it's my responsibility to throw my hands up and let him mold away. It might be hard and uncomfortable at times, but the person I am because of it will be worth waiting for.
You know what is cool too? God brings things like friends and laughter into life to make it better. See, I don't know what I would do without my friends and without the smiles and laughter that I share with them. It helps the pain A LOT! And I'm glad that even though I'm going through all of this, I can still have joy. Christ knows what I need and He has given it to me. I just need to take a moment and look around me, count my blessings, and thank the Lord for how good i truly have it. Now, I still am hurting and being thankful won't take that away! BUT! Instead of making it all about me, I can make it about God and His work! HE KNOWS what is happening and HE WILL help me through! HE GIVES me great things! HE REMEMBERS me when I'm hurting. It's all about God!!! I have to stop trying to fix things and start letting GOD do what He wants.
Okay, I'm totally getting on a rabbit trail, so I'm just gonna stop. Bottom line: I have issues. God doesn't. I don't know how to fix my life. God does. I need prayer because I'm prideful. God doesn't have pride issues. I need to trust God. He's worth it.
If this post made any sense, please comment. *laughs*
Oh, it made loads of sense! I'll pray for you! It's always a bit of a struggle to remember that God will help us through anything, no matter what. I know that I have trouble remembering that all the time, even though it's such a silly thing once you get over something and you realize you had help.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah...
Wow, that's exactly how I feel a lot of times. I completely and entirely relate to what you said about your family... "it's like the past is lived out in the present. No amount of "working things out" fixes anything. It might be good for a couple weeks but the sour ruins the good taste in my mouth, and next time it's "good," I can't get the bad taste out of my mouth, so nothing is truly sweet anymore." It's so frustrating, because I feel so powerless to change anything for the good.
ReplyDeleteI've been reminded it's not about me a couple times from different sources this week. I can't be in the center of my thoughts and still be putting God first. Also God doesn't listen to selfish prayers. So I must have my motives right when praying.
And yes, your post made complete sense! I will be praying for you sister!! I think I know how you feel.
<3 Remmy
Sis, this is a good post! I've always admired your strength to deal with stuff in the family. And as far as the amazing joys God puts on our life, well, I for one thank God for you and know that I couldn't have made it this far without you. :) Thanks for being a shoulder to cry on and laughter therapy!
ReplyDeleteawwwwwww beccs i love you soooooooo much. Ill be prayin for ya sissa and if you ever need anything just call me up!!! But I know kinda how you feel wiht all of my family stuff too like present and past i mean that kinda stuff WILL stick with me no matter what,theres no way to just leave it ill always remember it. But youre right that kind of stuff will help make us who we need to be. We can learn from that stuff like learning from other peoples mistakes, we see how much it affects them and hurts them or builds them up and makes them stronger. The problem i think is well first of all control we NEVER want to give that up but also because were scared. Were scared that what happened to others might happen to us or somthing might happen a second time we think that if we have control we can prevent that. But the truth there is we cant theres no way to stop it. We can either let it break us down and mess us up or we can let God take over and help us back up. Its our choice and most of the time we choose the wrong one.
ReplyDeleteGreat post beccs love you!!!!