Manna, Transcendence, and Naked Beginners

Sin is deceiving. It tricks humankind into believing that by pursuing our fleshly desires, that we will expand the size of our life and get what we always wanted. What falling mankind tends to do is forget the big picture and worry about the petty things in life such as the car we drive, the job we work, and the husband we marry. These things are all important! BUT! When we make these things our daily drive, that is when we have cut ourselves short.

Transcendence: the state of being beyond and outside of the ordinary range of human experience.

As children of God, we were made to be part of something BIG!!!! We all desire this type of life. We want to be a part of something special, surreal, and magnificent. Something outside of the norm and something that is life changing. Often times we think those magnificent and glorious things can be found by worldly gain. We forget that only Christ can provide us with that type of lifestyle. Only HE can make us part of something important. This is where transcendence comes in. As a Christian, we are naturally granted the ability to be in a "state of being beyond and outside the ordinary range of human experience." God grants us that privilege. But down through the ages, we have cheat ourselves out of such a blessing. Only Christ can fill the gap in our lives that we search all over for. We try to force-fit other things into Christ's spot, but we come up feeling even more empty than before.

An example of this in the Bible is when the Israelites were wondering in the wilderness. The reason they even considered to go back to Egypt was because they were tired of the manna. They were worried about their menu! "The flavor of a God-provided food rose to such a level of importance that they were actually able to look at Egypt as a place with a better menu, rather than the place of slavery and death that it actually was." (quote from Quest for More by Tripp)

This is what we do! We let petty things such as menu, clothes, jobs, sex, money, who drank the last of the OJ, or who forgot to dry the sink mess our day up and control us. We allow these types of things to rise to a level of such importance, that we end up shrinking our lives to such a small size.

"When the enemy somehow tricks you into squeezing the size of your life to the size of your personal dreams, wants, and needs, he has got you right where he wants you," says Tripp. It's a deceitful trap that we, as Christians, must be aware of.

In Genesis 3, there is a disastrous story of two people who were offered "more" and ended up being served way less than the glory they were intended to receive. Adam and Eve listened to the deceitful talk of the devil and fell into the trap of forsaken transcendence. The "more" Adam and Eve were meant to experience was replaced with a worthless "more" provided by the world. They were left unfulfilled.

Just like them, we will be unfulfilled and will never taste the glory we were meant to experience if we search outside of Christ. This IS a struggle! The evidence is everywhere and I see it in my own life. It scares me. What is the "less" that you settle on? I ask myself that same question. What captures our attention and draws us away from the all satisfying Christ? What glory will we live for each and every day of our life? Are we living for the glory of Almighty God, expanding our life's border as far as the Lord allows them to reach? Or are we shrinking our lives to the measly boundary of our own fences and trashy kingdoms?

Let our prayer be that we experience the true transcendence meant for us and that Christ would help us let go of the "less" we hold so tightly to.

I want so bad to experience God's best for my life. Only then will I find true joy and fulfillment. When the "less" in my life is where it needs to be (WAY below Christ's place) then Christ will have his deserved position. God, help me to allow you to be my "more."

Daily Shame

Here is a Marietta story of a certain trial I suffered through every day for the last few weeks, ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE.

*themes music begins*....picture creepy, spooky music...

Every day it was harder to bear and my heart broke in two. I faced it every morning, afternoon and night, and sometimes even in between! During breakfast, I would suddenly get an insecure feeling that washed over me. I suddenly wondered, "Is there something on my face?" "Is my hair sticking up?" "Is there a gigantic booger hanging out of my nose?" I wanted to weep incessantly, but I didn't for fear that my campers wouldn't love me the same. The feeling would go away after a few minutes and I could smile again. But I knew deep down that it would come back to haunt me. When leaving the dining hall, after emerging out of the double doors, a wave of shame washed over me once again. I could barely keep my face from contorting because of my humiliation. My campers sometimes would hold my hand to help me get through the challenge. They began to catch on by the middle of the week. Thank you lovely campers :)

Soon enough, random campers would come up to me and look me in the eye, saying creepily, "The duck flies as midnight." I could almost feel my skin crawl. Like a bolt of lightning, the feeling washed over me again. I would frolic away in sadness and my campers would trail in behind me. Soon, I started trying to put a curse on them by saying, "The alligator lurks at dawn." Sadly, it didn't have the same effect on them. They just laughed and pointed, and stared. I wanted to burst into tears, but held back.

*dark voice* "The duck flies as midnight." Right at that moment, several pairs of eyes would stare me down and penetrate to the depths of my soul. My loyal campers tried to protect me, but there was only so much they could do. A couple of them even started to laugh....I felt betrayed. I collapsed to my knees and woke up in the hospital....*beep*.....*beep*.....*beep*....
*music fades*
Alright, well this story is only about 10% true. Let me explain. Kaylin and I started a tradition type of thing where I would tell all my campers to stare at Kaylin and see how long it took her to notice. She did the same back to me :) Several times, I would leave the cafeteria with my campers and Kaylin's cabin would be waiting outside the door for me. Well, the last week, her campers were pros at staring. She would say the code words, "The duck flies at midnight" and they would all stare immediately. Almost like robots. During meals, I would get that "feeling" that someone is looking at you. I felt the need to hide behind my campers. Haha! Well, one day, one of Kaylin's campers came up to me and looked me straight in the eyes and said with a straight face...."The duck flies at midnight." Totally confused, I stammered and replied..."Well the alligator lurks at dawn." She laughed uncontrollably and I felt lost and confused. My campers were confused too...it was quite hilarious. Finally, they told me what that meant and that it was their code phrase. It was like a revelation in my life. I finally understood. It was awesome!!!


Here is a picture of Kaylin's whole cabin who were so good at making me feel self-conscious :)

Here are two of the girls who were oober good at it. They would stare even if the rest of their cabin wasn't. The one of the left is the girl who first said, "The duck flies at midnight" to me :) The one on the right is her sister :D

For two friends....

Hello Crazy Daisy!

I haven't seen you in a while. Aren't I a terrible friend? Don't answer that. Did I neglect you? Don't answer that either. Do you still love me? Don't answer that.

Love even when it doesn't seem like it,
Becca Jones

HELLO BLOGGER FRIENDS! I'm actually talking to you now. *laughs* Okay, well two of my friends (Hannah and Kaylin) told me I need to post more.....especially about Marietta. I am taking them up on that, and I thought that actually posting my agreement would be better, because then I can be held to it. So, if I don't post.....yell at me! Okay, I can't actually post a legit one right now because I have to go teach, but I will hopefully get something this weekend. Happy Hannah and Kaylin? *smooch*

Hold me to this.....
Becca

2. People are soooo different

For the most part, I get along with people. For the other part, I get irritated at people if they are different. I don't think this consciously......it just happens. It's not like I'm thinking, "Mm....they are not exactly like me, thus I hate them." No, it's more like they annoy me, rub me the wrong way, or bring out the mean Becca because I take them the wrong way or because our personalities don't quite mesh well. Let me explain.

*ponders* I need to start at the beginning.

At Marietta, we had one full week of training. We used that week to work around camp and set everything up, get spiritually and mentally prepared, ect. But Coach found it to be super important that we learned how to work together and understand one another. Every single person on our staff was different. Some were more alike than others, but everyone reacted to things differently, thought differently and communicated differently. Coach taught us to analyze personalities and figure out what makes people tick. This was such a good tool to use over the summer. It helped me to connect better with my campers and with my fellow staffers. I will share a little bit of what I learned :)

First of all, there are 4 different personality dynamics:

The first is Dominant: The dominant personality type is aggressive, assertive and good at completing tasks and getting things done. They tend to be focused on goals and are determined to succeed. They are outgoing and don't mind talking to strangers. They sometimes have a hard time seeing from another person's perspective though. They tend to tell rather than ask. Sometimes this causes others to feel like they are bossy. They are confident and productive. They are great leaders and very determined.

The next is Cautious: This cautious personality are big fact people. They love details and tend to wait on making decisions until they know everything. Sometimes they can be negative, critical and even moody, but they are very thorough, analytical. They are good at solving problems and they are very orderly and precise. They can come across as intense and are teachable. They are consistent and have a method for everything. They are planners and they want to exceed expectations.

Inspiring: This personality type are the fun ones, but they can be a little restless sometimes. They are talkative, outgoing, and friendly. They seldom meet a stranger and they are enthusiastic about life. They are carefree to a fault and sometimes struggle with being serious. They can be too loud and weak-willed. They have a hard time making decisions and at times are undisciplined. They act on a whim and can be easily excited. They are emotional and even manipulative. They struggle with finishing tasks. They need change and fun.

Lastly is Supportive: These type of people are dependable and trustworthy. They are softhearted and compassionate. They are good team players and really good listeners. They are easily manipulated and are very indecisive. They struggle with communication at times and they are resistant to change. They are steady, efficient and easygoing. They are peaceful and friendly. They hate being yelled at and pushed around, but because they want to please, they are easy targets for criticism. People tend to walk over them. They struggle with saying "no."

There you have it. These four behavior types explain every person you know. They can be some of each though.

For instance, I'm a SIC. (Supportive, Inspiring, Cautious) My strongest trait is Supportive. The Inspiring comes in right behind and then I have a little bit of cautious in me too. I have very few (close to none) Dominant traits.

All the staff wrote down their letters and there were soooo many different orders. DISC, CI, ID, CID, ISC, SIC, CSI, DIC, SID are just some of them. So, there was some variety in our staff (even though most of us had Inspiring because Coach needed energy at camp :)

Because I learned WHY people are the way they are, I didn't let things get to me that normally would. For example, Coach is totally different than me. He is a high "D" and I barely have "D" at all. Sometimes I would get upset with him because I felt criticized and I HATE that. I'm such a pleaser. But because I knew how Coach operated, it helped me to take it in love and know that he wasn't trying to down me. He loves me very much...he just wanted me to do better in an area.

Another person who was different was Cameron. He was a high "C"...(I don't know this for a fact, but I would bet my arm on it) I only have a little "C" and so Cameron was different to be around. He never irritated me, but I payed attention to his personality and noticed how cautious he was and I was like, "Whoa. Different." He is a thinker and an observer. He actually taught me a lot over the summer! I now know how to "check my angles" as he calls it. (This means to watch what is going on around me) I also learned to think through things a little more :)

It was cool to find staffers who were a lot like me too. For instance, the nurses and I all shared high "S" and we meshed well because we all wanted to please and be friendly and just love :) And then people like Rokel who has some definite "I", would be crazy to hang with and make for some good laughs.

It's really awesome to me how the Lord made all of us alike, but different in our own way. We all have quirks and annoying habits, but we all fit together and can work together as a great team. God made each personality special and for different purposes! It's incredible. We serve such a big God!!!

So yeah! That's thing #2 that I learned at Camp Marietta. In summary, watch the people around you and don't always assume they do things on purpose to get on your bad side. Maybe it could be that God made them that way :)

See this girl? She is wonderful.

I want to do some posts about some special people in my life and how they have been used in my life. I guess I have developed a fascination with how God brings people into your life at the perfect time and uses them in ways you never thought possible. So, in addition to my other posts about what I have learned at Marietta, I am going to pick a person every once in a while and talk about them and what they mean to me. This first post is for my friend, Kaylin.

When I told her that I was writing a post about her, she said, "oh no." I told her not to worry because it was all good stuff that is not too embarrassing, so in order to keep my word, I have edited the following post. It is now fit for you to read. *laughter* Just kidding! I don't think I could say anything bad about Kaylin, even f I tried to :D No editing will be necessary.

I went to Camp Marietta this summer and I didn't know that many people. I hoped that I would find someone who would be a great friend and someone I could come to for anything. God knew that was Kaylin. She proved to be such a fabulous sister and friend. I love her sooo much!

















From the very beginning, Kaylin and I sorta hit it off. The first time I really got to talk to her was during training week when we were painting a porch thing together. I guess it just got better from there. By the second week of camp, we were "cousins." Why? Well, my cabin name that week was the "Ziggly Zebras" and her cabin name also had to do with Zebras, so the whole week my girls and I were calling them our cousins. That lasted the rest of the summer and I still refer to her as my cuz, even though camp is over. She's the best cousin I've ever had :)


Things I notice about Kaylin: (correct me if I'm wrong)

Kaylin laughs at the type of stuff I laugh at....dumb, twisted sorta things. This makes me feel like less of a loser because we tend to laugh at the same stuff. It's pretty rad.

Kaylin is a thinker and a really good planner person. She thinks of everything, which is good for me because I tend to act on a whim and forget details.

She's a really good listener. It's weird, cause when I would talk to her, she got a certain look in her eyes like she was totally in listening mode. It was awesome cause I knew she was listening instead of just pretending to.

She tilts her head, especially when she is riding in the car. And the majority of the time, she tilts it to her left. What can I say? I watch people closely and pick up on their mannerisms. I can't help but notice.

One of her favorite ways to dance is what I call "the swim." (I actually just made that up) But she does a freestyle motion, but more out to the side and to the beat. It's awesome! She had me dancing like that by the end of the summer. It was really fun.

She laughs so cutely. It's like a raspy kind of chuckle and it's so contagious. If Kaylin laughs, I can't help but laugh too. She also seems to talk a lot while laughing. I don't know why, but she does.

She gets quiet when she's tired and in a large group, but when she is in a smaller group or one on one, she will talk a lot, even though she's tired.

She is clumsy and it's amazing. 1. She runs into stuff like I do. For instance, sides of tables, door frames, chairs. She says that it's like the objects are closer than she thinks, so she'll run into them. Picture this: Kaylin rounding a corner, and totally slamming into the corner and saying, "ow." Yes, I saw this happen. 2. She also randomly falls. I don't know why, but I love it. She just loses her footing I guess and will tumble and then get up as if nothing happened.

Her eyes are so cute and watery. It makes them so sparkly.


Some things about Kaylin that you should know:

1. She's beautiful. No make up on, and she is gorgeous.
2. She's tall like me. Yay for tall-ness!
3. She has big feet...same size as me.
4. She loves the bacon fart app on her Ipod touch.
5. She has peeing issues.
6. She runs fast.
7. She can dive backwards
8. She is a dare devil. See?
9. She's a hard worker.
10. She talks fast when she leaves messages.
11. She gives the best squinty-eye look.
12. She photogenic.
13. She could make a bear smile...whatever that means.
14. She is the most amazing and fun huddle leader!
15. She is extremely thoughtful.
16. She's a creeper.
17. She is crafty...not in a freaky way, but an artsy way.
18. She sings like an angel.
19. She likes to lead cheers.
20. She is strong. (See picture below)
21. She has a feather in her hair.
22. She plays guitar.
23. She wears Chaco's.
24. She beats my butt in capture the flag. But when we're on the same team, we work well together.
25. She says, "Oh man!" a lot.













Well that's about all I'm gonna say. I could go on forever and tell you about some hilarious, freaky, weird, awkward, serious, precious times that I have shared with Kaylin, but I won't. All I'll say to finish up is that I love her very much. I'm so very thankful to God for allowing her to be on staff at camp with me. She made my Marietta experience even more amazing! I'll tell you what, she taught me a lot just by her faith and trust in God. She also helped me to learn to pray more. She always brought stuff to God and it was a blessing to be a part of. She is one of the least selfish people I know. She gave to me all summer in her actions, words, and time. God was shown through her this summer and I praise Jesus for Kaylin! She was greatly used in my life!

Now for some pictures!!! *dances* A lot of campers thought we really were cousins cause they said we look alike :)This right before I killed Kaylin's ankle. She still has a knot from when I kicked her. Sorry! Look at Austin in the background. He looks so happy to be squirting us with water and look at how he's standing. LOL. I miss that foxy grandpa!

Two things that I think are pretty cool about this picture: Kaylin's shades. They are so radical! And then Brian's feet. I seriously had to look at this picture for ages to figure out whose feet they were. Yay for cliff jumping!

<3
This is a shameful picture because of me, but I had to put it up because it totally explains our relationship. Me being totally weird, Kaylin like, "Becca, you have issues, but I put up with you." And then Caleb being a total creeper.

I LOVE YOU KAYLIN!

1. I'm so selfish

Here is the first post of the many I will be doing about what I learned over this summer at Camp Marietta. I'm so excited to share because the Lord has done some amazing stuff in my life and has taught me SO much. We serve an incredible God. I know this because He got through to me, and I'm super stubborn.

Confession: I'm such a selfish person.

So many times throughout my life, I find myself demanding that the world revolve around me. Maybe not verbally or even consciously, but this happens in my heart without me even realizing it. My heart is full of myself because of my sin. It's dumb because when a situation comes around that is uncomfortable, or I don't like it, I get put out and obnoxious because I'm not the one being catered to. Isn't that so ridiculous? Because I'm so selfish, I can't see anything but myself and how I'M being inconvenienced. I can be so inconsiderate sometimes and it's so unlike Christ.

I never really thought of myself as a selfish person until I went to Marietta. I thought that normally I'm pretty good about giving of myself to others. I have such a hard time saying no to others because I want to make people happy and to meet their needs as much as I can....and somehow I let that trick me into thinking that I'm not selfish. But it's way deeper than that. It doesn't just have to do with actions. As far as actions, I can pretend pretty well. But it's the heart that shows how selfish you really are.

While I was at camp, I was a huddle leader. Each week I had 7-10 girls in my cabin who I was responsible for and who I taught and led for 5 days. That means that I had around 70 girls filter through my life who were all demanding in their own way. Each of them had needs, big and small, and they looked to me to help them with those needs. It was a great experience! Very hard at times, but so rewarding. It also created the prefect conditions for Becca to learn a big lesson. It's like God spelled out to me, "B.E.C.C.A. I.S. S.E.L.F.I.S.H."

"Miss Becca, will you do my hair again?" My insides were screaming, "No. I don't want to do your hair. I do your hair all the time. I haven't even been able to do my hair. It's still dripping wet from the shower and it's about to get frizzy. Just put it up in a ponytail by yourself." Thank goodness I didn't really say that, but my heart was shouting it out.

"Aw. You're just our little maid huh?" I felt like my face was on fire. Of course I wasn't their maid! I got sooo mad and felt totally offended because I wasn't being thanked for what I was doing. I had such a selfish approach to their comment and allowed it to tick me off. Thank goodness for God's grace and a sweet hug from another huddle leader, or I was sure to be in a bad mood for the night. Instead, God showed me that I might not be their "maid" exactly, but I am serving them for His glory and I need to wash their feet over and over, even when they aren't thankful.

There are many other stories or "struggles" that I could go on and on about, but the truth is, if I wasn't so selfish, those situations wouldn't have bothered me so much and I would've handled them differently. God showed me that I need to say no to myself more, and truly mean it...not just on the outside. It needs to be a heart change and a desire that I have. Like 2 Timothy 4:6 says, I need to be poured out as a drink offering, and I need to allow Christ to give me the strength and fill me up when I feel like I have no more to give. I want to be like Christ and He is a selfless Savior who gives continuously to His children. What a wonderful Savior we serve!

Stay tuned....

Hey everyone! It's been FOREVER since I last posted. I have been gone working at a Camp in South Carolina. I had time on the weekends to blog, but seriously....I had no desire to get on the internet. SO! That's why it's been so long.

In the next several posts, I am wanting to talk about what the Lord has showed me through working at Camp Marietta. There are soooo many things that I have learned and I just can't wait to share them. I had such a great summer and I have learned so much about myself and about Christ. We serve a wonderful Savior and He never ceases to amaze me.

Well, I'm gonna go swimming and relax! Haven't chilled out in a while.....but when I come back, I will hopefully post. Until then...peace!

Neonatal nursing? Is it all a waste?

Ultimately, I want to be a wife and a mother. I believe that this is the most important calling for women. Not only is this something that I believe, but it is something that I WANT more than anything. This brings me to many doubts.

I'm in college, pursuing a degree in nursing. I chose this career because I want to help people and care for those who need assistance. My area of interest is Neonatal nursing: helping babies and mothers right after delivery. I think this would be an amazing job and also something that could become a ministry. But to be honest, I want to be a wife and mother WAY more than I want that career. My God given responsibility (if I get married) will be to my family. So, this brings me to scary doubts: Should I be wasting my time in college? What if all of my education goes to waste? I might only work for a couple years, so is it worth it? All of this time, money, and effort will be thrown down the drain! I might never even use my degree!

Well, I have been reading a book called "Womanly dominion." (written by Mark Chanski) Trust me, it's not a feminist book. Instead, it is quite the opposite. It brings to light the importance of a women dominating their gifts and talents as a nurturer and supporter. It helps women to see how they are more than a "gentle and quiet spirit" but how they are the back bone of a Christian family. By being a helper and supporter, a women doesn't take on an inferior job. Being a "stay at home mom" isn't shameful and it doesn't make you inferior to career women.

This book is AMAZING! And it was really neat because it referred to my fears of my schooling going to waste. It showed me that even if I only work as a nurse for 5 years, it will never be put to waste. As a mother, I will have an elite mission that will stretch me over all the bases and my nursing abilities and background in education will only enable me to offer more to my family.

Let me share with you part of what this book said. It explains the different areas and professions the mother will have to exercise in the home. It was so eye-opening!

"Homemaking motherhood is no refuge for the inept woman who can't "cut it" in the real world. Rather, stay-at-home mother is the ultimate profession for the elite of her gender.
She realizes she's raising thoroughbreds for the kingdom, and so she studies and reads and prepares meals with the inspirations of a dietician and a nutritionist. Her health care duties summon her often to rise to the level of nurse and physician. Domestic engineer is a suitable title for her who exercises dominion over her household headquarters by subduing swarming details into workable order. She is an economist in keeping budge, hpolding the purse strings as the accountant, and acting as the purchasing agent for the family corporation, averting bankruptcy and maintaining solvency. She's a psychologist in analyzing the peculiarities of each temperament, tracing the development of each child, and bring the apt word as a counselor in every situation. She's a personal trainer and disciplinarian as she cultivates obedience and self-control in her natively wild herd. She's a teacher and professor in instructing her students in reading, spelling, grammar, mathematics, history, science, and art. This is exceptionally and overwhelmingly true of a homeschooling mother. She's a pastor and theologian as she educates her children in the lofty themes of morality, spirituality, and eternity.
With a job description like that, I advise young women to get all the education they can. Any liberal arts or professional university degree will provide money-in-the-bank knowledge from which a mother will daily make heavy withdrawals."

I thought this was sooo cool because it encouraged me to be hopeful in my education. Even the classes where I am constantly murmuring, "why am I taking this? This has absolutely NOTHING to do with nursing." Well, those classes will be used later on in life in the career that I'm really shooting for, which is mothering.

Just thought I would share all that and encourage all the girls out there who are having my same problem. It's not all a waste. The Lord will use this all later in life, with or without kids!

Friend-like Prayer

I have a new favorite thing to do! I will share. On days when I am going somewhere by myself (such as this morning on my way to school) I have been getting into the habit of praying out loud like God was sitting in the car with me and I was just talking and listening. It. is. amazing. Not only am I talking to the Lord Almighty, but I'm able to hear my own voice speak the words that I want my Savior to hear. Sometimes I even get really emotional because when I speak the words out loud, they take on a whole new meaning. Confession: I really struggle with prayer. My mind moves really fast, and sometimes I feel like stopping and praying for longer than two minutes is darn near impossible. I know it's not, but it DOES feel that way to me. My Savior is worth it, but I still struggle in a huge way! This area is one where I am sooo weak. Please pray for me. But back to my main point.....Has anyone ever seen the movie, "Walking across Egypt?" Well, this movie is pretty slow, but sooo good in the end. It makes me teary. Pretty much, there is a teenager who is in jail and he escapes. An old woman befriends him, and in the end, he is changed. Bottom line. Sorry, if you haven't seen it, cause I totally just spoiled it. But, it's one of those movies where nothing takes you by surprise :) But, in one of the scenes, the old lady asks Wesley (the boy) to pray. He kinda gets weirded out because he had never prayed before. She tells, "Just pray to God, like He's one of your friends." Wesley starts his prayer, "Hey God. Thanks for this food. It sure smells good. Mrs. Rigsbee can flat out cook!....." and he continues. I just find it SO sweet. It's probably my favorite scene because it reminds me that we don't have to pray a perfect prayer to get God's attention. He hears us just the same, no matter how wonderfully is escapes our lips. We need not speak a poetic prayer or talk in a certain tone or voice. Christ wants us to be who we are and simply come to Him and express our concerns, emotions, and praises. God hears us when we stumble across our words. He knows what we mean, when it doesn't come out just right. It's a wonderful and freeing thing to think about :) And this is another thing that I was thinking when it comes to prayer, and I it made me think of Brian and I. When I call and talk to Brian, I don't have to be talking about deep stuff in order for Brian to find interest. He loves when I call and talk to him for two minutes and just tell him that I miss him or I'm thinking about him. It means a lot to him just to know that I care and that I find time in my day to express myself to him. It doesn't matter what I say, or how I say it. He just wants to hear my voice and know that I'm hundreds of miles away, but still caring about him. This reminds me of Christ. We don't always have to come to Christ with "problems." Just like a friend, we can come to Him and tell Him about something that happened in our day. OR we could even just pray for two minutes and tell Christ how much He means and remind Him of how wonderful He is to us. No prayer is perfect, but we are imperfect. God finds joy in seeing His imperfect children finding rest and peace in his perfect presence. "The prayer of the upright pleases Him." -Proverbs 15:8

Video of a song I wrote called "Smile"

Hey everyone! This is one of the songs I wrote. I would love to hear what everyone thinks and get some pointers and opinions. I want to make an album of all the songs I have written so far, so I need viewers to help me see what I could do to make my songs better. Thanks so much for your time!



I hope you liked it!!!!! *crosses fingers* If you would like to hear some of my others, keep checking back on my blog. I'm hoping to get a couple more of them on here in the next couple weeks. Also, a couple weeks back I posted an audio recording of "I'm here." It should be posted somewhere in March :) Thanks again!

It's not about me...

Why is it that right when you think life is good, all of the sudden something happens that is challenging and then you feel like you no longer can go on anymore? It's like you hit a wall and think, "This is it. This is the end of my road. No more from me." Everything around you seems to be crumbling and you wonder how in the world you will make it out of the situation you are in. I have been feeling like that a lot lately, and it's frustrating. I feel like I have been hit with situation after situation and everything is going wrong. I don't understand it. I have a good life and I believe that 100%. I mean, I have Christ, I have great friends, I have a family that loves me, and I have a boyfriend who cares about me....but yet things happen, and it makes everything seem out of whack.

For instance, my family is a mess. I feel like no matter how good it gets, it always goes bad again. Every single part of my family is crazy. There are twisted relationships and mad marriages and hurtful pasts. And it's like the past is lived out in the present. No amount of "working things out" fixes anything. It might be good for a couple weeks but the sour ruins the good taste in my mouth, and next time it's "good," I can't get the bad taste out of my mouth, so nothing is truly sweet anymore. Does that make any sort of sense?

I am mainly struggling with the family. There are other problems going around, but all are things that I know will iron out in time. For instance, there's Brian. I miss him so much and I hate being far away from him, but I know that everything will be okay. I know we care for each other and time and space won't change that. So, of course it's hard, but it's something I can deal with and something I trust will work out. There is no doubt in my mind that it's gonna be okay.

So, the family is the hardest right now. I just feel like I can't handle it anymore and I'm not gonna be able to hold out much longer. That's hard for me to admit! I need prayers because I feel like I'm hitting bottom. The only breath of fresh air that I have is Christ and my friends. I know that sounds terrible because shouldn't Christ be enough? But I AM struggling. I need so much prayer.

Here is what I try to dwell on though. God is bringing things like this into my life in order to shape me into who i need to be. I will fall on my face and screw up, but He knows all about that. These trials are refining me into who I need to be and they are preparing me for eternity in Heaven. Christ is the Potter, I am the clay. The "ripping and punching" that I receive aren't meant to hurt me. It's Christ "molding and shaping" me. It's not all negative like I see it. God sees the big picture and it's my responsibility to throw my hands up and let him mold away. It might be hard and uncomfortable at times, but the person I am because of it will be worth waiting for.

You know what is cool too? God brings things like friends and laughter into life to make it better. See, I don't know what I would do without my friends and without the smiles and laughter that I share with them. It helps the pain A LOT! And I'm glad that even though I'm going through all of this, I can still have joy. Christ knows what I need and He has given it to me. I just need to take a moment and look around me, count my blessings, and thank the Lord for how good i truly have it. Now, I still am hurting and being thankful won't take that away! BUT! Instead of making it all about me, I can make it about God and His work! HE KNOWS what is happening and HE WILL help me through! HE GIVES me great things! HE REMEMBERS me when I'm hurting. It's all about God!!! I have to stop trying to fix things and start letting GOD do what He wants.

Okay, I'm totally getting on a rabbit trail, so I'm just gonna stop. Bottom line: I have issues. God doesn't. I don't know how to fix my life. God does. I need prayer because I'm prideful. God doesn't have pride issues. I need to trust God. He's worth it.

If this post made any sense, please comment. *laughs*

How well do you know me? Let's find out!

Hey everyone! Check out the new quiz I put together! This is so fun to do. Kinda dumb, but still cool cause it DOES test how well you know your friends. It will surprise you! I just took one about Ashley and got a 50%. Dang, I'm terrible. Anyways, here's a link: http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=1103281834328697&a=1&

Also, I'm posting it on my actual blog wall, so you can take it by clicking there also! Have a great one! Love to you all!

Why can't you shut up?

Okay, I have been really disturbed lately and this is why. I have noticed a lot of verbal persecution going around. People that I very highly respect will bash someone and then laugh about it! I notice this especially with guys but I know girls can do it too. I just have a question. "Why can't you shut up?" Is it really that hard to hold your tongue? What about this. Just think better of people and maybe the change of mindset would reflect your heart and turn your actions around.

To all guys: Let me tell you something. You want to be the top dawg? Earn it. A real man lefts people up and pushes himself down. It's called humility. An immature person will tear everyone else down trying to pull himself to the top. This is not how God wants you to act. The Bible says in Matthew 20 verse 16, "So the last will be first and the first will be last." The only way you will really be first is if you put yourself before others, love others more than your love yourself, treat others better than you treat yourself, and remember that you're not the only one Christ finds valuable. And another thing.....I don't know about all the other girls, but I respect guys who don't tear each other down. It shows real maturity and also it comes across as being secure in themselves. I don't want to marry a man that has to bash other children of God. That doesn't paint a good picture of how he would treat me. Just sayin! Any guy who has the strength to love others and speak only good to them....that's who I want to spend my life with. Be men! REAL men! Live like Jesus did and lift your brothers up as your strive to be more like Christ.

To the girls: I know that us women can get really caught up in drama and we get caught in the moment and feel like smack talking about someone. I KNOW THIS! I'm a girl and I understand. It's not right though!

Confession: Without even thinking, I will sometimes say something about someone I know, or even a complete stranger, that is totally and completely uncalled for. Nothing but blessing should come from my mouth! I sin every time I say something like that.

As women of God, we need to be loving and nurturing to everyone we come into contact with. Through our love and acceptance, others should be able to see Christ in us. When we say something negative about someone, you know what we are ultimately doing? Bashing ourselves. If we are incomplete without gossip and tearing up others, then we are insecure losers who need to get a grip of God's real love. His love is unconditional. No matter how you act, look, or smell. HELLO! I'm preaching to myself now! Could we just guard our tongue and speak things that will encourage others? God will bless our efforts. Let's try our very best to spread love everywhere we go.

Two verses to finish my thought, before I ramble on and on about it:

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell." James 3:6

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Are you in a clique? I was.

Definition: Clique - a small, exclusive group of people

Confession: I used to be in a major clique.

I'm not scared to admit it. I believe that it happens to all of us and it's such a great thing to recognize and look out for. I always wonder how my life would be if I didn't get involved with a clique. I was in one in high school for like a year or two, and finally got woken up when I was a senior. I thought, "Becca! What are you doing? You don't know anyone anymore." Since then, I have totally changed and the Lord has made such a difference in my friendships and all of my relationships for that matter. I don't think people realize how enslaving it is. I stopped looking for what would benefit MY appearance and started focusing on how I could bless others and make more friends.

Now, I'm not saying that close relationships are a bad thing. I HAVE EM! I have best friends and people that I enjoy hanging out with more than others. I have best friends. That's life, sorry. I don't believe the Lord opposes that. I mean, think of David and Jonathan in the Bible who were SUPER CLOSE and would give their lives for each other. Also, Jesus had a special relationship with one of his 12 disciples. So, I don't believe it's a bad thing. The Lord gives us those friends who stick "closer than a brother" and He will bless those relationships. But there is a fine line.

When our relationships with others keep us from reaching out to anyone BESIDES THEM, there is a problem. There are so many benefits that are available if we will just take a moment to look around us and see who needs to be talked to. Who is alone? Who is always left out?

What can we do about this? As Christians, I believe that we need to be serving others by befriending them and excepting them. What could God do with a group of teens who love everyone and except everyone, no matter how different, quiet, loud, annoying, or freaky they are. Didn't Christ do this? He reached out to every type of person. He loved, even when he was ridiculed for it. If we could come together and be like Christ in this area, we could create a totally different environment in our churches and schools. There wouldn't be any "loners" and there wouldn't be those who feel left out and unwanted.

Confession #2: I have been in situations, (I still experience these) where I have felt like a third wheel. I would stand alone with my sister, and wonder if we should just stay there or if we should try to join a conversation. It's MISERABLE! No one wants to feel that way. I hate it!
So, when I see someone alone in a corner, I think..."What if that was me? Would I like it? No. Becca, go talk to them."

So, you might be wondering...am I in a clique? Well here are some questions you could ask yourself. I found an article in a magazine that had some questions. I'm gonna re-word them though because they were aimed more towards people with kids. I'm talking more about teens.

1) What holds your friends together as a group? Our lifestyles, families, similarities, hobbies, or is it something more?

2) When a church service is over, do you find yourself migrating toward the same people every time, or are you intentional about talking to others?

3) Are sinful ways of relating to others, such as jealousy or fear, driving any part of my group's dynamics?

4) When was the last time that you included someone new when your group was just hanging out together?

Could we all become watchful for those around us? Could we include others in a "clique" and become a humongous loving community instead? I really believe that God would be glorified.

A recording of one of my songs. Check it!

Here's my song called, "I'm here." I wrote a while back when I was really struggling in life. God was definitely teaching me some things. One of those things being, "Trust me and stop trying to fix everything. I know the plan that I have a for you. Just let me be God." So, this song is based off of that...just talking about how we need to trust God and know that He promises to be with us and keep us safe. Nothing that has happened to us, hasn't been filtered through His loving hands. He loves us and will do the best for us. What an awesome God we serve!!!

This video is a slide show of pictures with verses that I have found to be encouraging. It's amazing how many times God promises that He will be with us and guard us. But just to apologize up front, sorry if the slides move too fast to where you can't read the verses. I'm OCD about the pictures changing with the music....so yep. Hope you enjoy! Please comment.

I'm a loser this I know, but God still loves me...He says so.

Why am I a loser? I will explain: I haven't written on this blog in months. I will give my excuses, but I'm gonna be completely honest with you guys here.

I feel like I have been going through a spiritual desert. A lot has been going on in my life and I have felt far away from God. It started with my prayers. I just felt like they were getting no where and it made me mad. At God? Yes, at God. My family is in shambles and I'm really hurt by that. It's been like this for as long as I can remember and I think I just got fed up with it and started blaming God for keeping it like this. Why can't I embrace the fact that if I got what I deserved, I would burn in Hell for eternity? I don't deserve to approach a Savior so holy, much less be mad at Him for allowing my family to be like this. Why do I feel like I have to be served by God? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Well, on top of all of this, someone was judging my spiritual status by my blog and that has pushed me away from it even more. To all the readers out there. I never want my blog to be a way of rating me in my Christian walk. I mean, it is a good way of seeing what I'm learning but if you ever think, "Wow. She's really on track." Or "Dang, she needs to be saved." Then just stop reading it. I could very well be an ax murdered and make my posts sweet and challenging. And it could be the other way too. I could post empty posts that don't stir you at all, but my heart could be overwhelmed with what God is doing. So, don't gauge my spiritual walk by this. This is a way to encourage you and bring glory to Christ. Not to me. Got it? Get it? Good.

Alright, so that is my update and confession. Please pray for me. I'm doing so much better and the Lord has really awakened me. I still have so much to learn but I'm at peace knowing that God understands everything about me, even when I'm clueless. He knows exactly what has been going on with me and He loves me and my dirty soul. Every time I fail, He forgives me and invites me back into His loving arms. I have no need to fear or doubt. He is using these times to strengthen me and ready me for His work. This is what my post is gonna be about....the Lord making me into something beautiful and worth something.

Now that the intro section is over. I will start my actual post. "I'm a loser, this I know. But God still loves me....He said so." I made this up in a moment of brilliance. Please, no applause.

I am worth absolutely nothing. Neither are you. Don't click out. This is important. Say this to yourself, "I am worth nothing..." Doesn't this make you want to cry? I'm teary right now. I want to be worth something. I want to be valuable and special. But it's true that we are unclean, foul creatures that deserve nothing but the worst of the worst.

Now say this "I am worth nothing....but God...." Now this makes me cry. Without God, there is no hope. There is no joy. There is only sorrow. But WITH GOD, my heart can rest. I can sing and smile because I know that God finds worth in me, even when I'm undeserving. Even when nothing about me is good. GOD, in His perfection, looks at me and smiles, knowing that He has a story up His sleeve. He knows how I'm gonna turn out, and that end product is something to be proud of. Something worth seeing.

I love the mental picture of a piece of gold that's dirty and nasty...needing some major work in order to be worth anything. The refiner's set it in the fire and let it get REAL hot, then they take it out and scrape the impure layer off the top. Then the whole process repeats until the gold it shining and completely pure all the way through. This reminds me of what Christ does for us. He puts us through trials, that might really hurt when we are in the middle of it, but He has a purpose. That purpose is to sanctify us and make us suitable for His kingdom. Now, those trials hurt BAD, but if we cling to the cross, we find our sing being sandblasted away - leaving us shining and refined for HIS GLORY!

Romans 8:18 - "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us."

We shouldn't glorify the trials we suffer through. instead we should glorify the reflection of Christ's face shown when He looks at us. Others should see it in the smile we wear. Isn't that a way to live?

Zechariah 9:16 " On that day, the Lord their God will save them, as the flock of His temple; for like the jewels of a crown they shall shine on His land."

I hope that I'm humble enough to let the Lord refine me in the way that would make me most beautiful. He has the power and He sure knows how to use that chisel. I just have to trust Him and remember that my trials aren't happening because God is mad at me or loves to see me cry. Instead, He knows that I need a face lift and the only way that can happen is when I see that He is in control and when I give up the fight. I have to stop resisting. I won't win no matter what. Trials happen for a reason, and God is the only one who knows the reason. When will I let God be God? When will I stop trying to fix my life? When will I realize that I'm digging my own grave by running? Only God can see what I need. Only He can give me my needs. What would me life be like if I never stopped clinging to Him?

Day ten: Someone I wish I talked to more

Okay, I'm totally doing these out of order, and I'm skipping the one about my internet friend....because not to be different, but I just think that's dumb. Ahaha! But anyways, sorry that I keep putting the wrong day number before the wrong subject. I'm all confused. BUT! I'm starting at day TEN, and I'm talking about someone that I wish I talked to more than I do.

Alright, I have two people who I will talk about, but I must say that I always think that I don't talk to people enough. So, I would list a ton of people if I had the time....and interest, but these are the top two!

1) Jon Armistead is the first. He's got to be one of my favorite people ever! He's great! I get to see him a good bit, but we never get to talk as much as I would like. I love his company, he's one of the funniest people I know, he's got the most contagious laugh, and we are really alike. It's crazy cool! We will just sit there and laugh at each other for really no reason. It's hilarious. But yes, definitely Jon! I would love to just sit and have a forever long convo with him about life and whatever he's going through. That would make my day!

2) Jade Green! I miss that girl, and I love her so much. We grew up being super great friends, so it's hard for me that we don't talk as much. I really love her, and think she is such a great person. She is such a great listener and such a great Christian. I never had a hard time telling her things and we really complimented each other's personality. I respect her and adore her and her family. Hopefully sometime soon, I can see her and talk to her some. Miss ya Jaba!

And that's about it. What an easy day!

Day eight: Someone I want to meet

Hmmm.....who is someone I would like to meet? JESUS!

Dear Jesus,
I would love to meet you! I'm looking forward to the day that I can stand before you. I also fear that day in a sense, because I want you to be proud of me, and what if you aren't? I mean, what if I have been a total failure? What if you look at me and say I have been lukewarm? God, that scares me, but it also challenges me and pushes me forward, making me want to be the best I can be for YOU. I want to kick myself sometimes, because I don't get excited about meeting you, but why shouldn't I? The thought of seeing you face to face should be what drives me on, what makes me strive to be better and more like you. Shouldn't my main goal in life be to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant?" How "well" do I think I'm doing? How can I be better for you God? How can I make my life more beautiful in your eyes? You look at my mess and see something useful...how can I be a vessel for you? Help me to be more righteous and in love with you. Help my life to be something that you smile upon. Help me to live solely for YOUR glory, not my own. I am nothing in your presence, and my life should be nothing but exalting YOUR name and YOUR sovereignty! Thank you so much for loving me and giving your perfect self for my wretched being. I love you! Please give me strength and a desire to know you more, and for my love to grow stronger and stronger every day. When I come into Your presence, I want you to be pleased in what you see.

Because of You,
Becca