1. I'm so selfish

Here is the first post of the many I will be doing about what I learned over this summer at Camp Marietta. I'm so excited to share because the Lord has done some amazing stuff in my life and has taught me SO much. We serve an incredible God. I know this because He got through to me, and I'm super stubborn.

Confession: I'm such a selfish person.

So many times throughout my life, I find myself demanding that the world revolve around me. Maybe not verbally or even consciously, but this happens in my heart without me even realizing it. My heart is full of myself because of my sin. It's dumb because when a situation comes around that is uncomfortable, or I don't like it, I get put out and obnoxious because I'm not the one being catered to. Isn't that so ridiculous? Because I'm so selfish, I can't see anything but myself and how I'M being inconvenienced. I can be so inconsiderate sometimes and it's so unlike Christ.

I never really thought of myself as a selfish person until I went to Marietta. I thought that normally I'm pretty good about giving of myself to others. I have such a hard time saying no to others because I want to make people happy and to meet their needs as much as I can....and somehow I let that trick me into thinking that I'm not selfish. But it's way deeper than that. It doesn't just have to do with actions. As far as actions, I can pretend pretty well. But it's the heart that shows how selfish you really are.

While I was at camp, I was a huddle leader. Each week I had 7-10 girls in my cabin who I was responsible for and who I taught and led for 5 days. That means that I had around 70 girls filter through my life who were all demanding in their own way. Each of them had needs, big and small, and they looked to me to help them with those needs. It was a great experience! Very hard at times, but so rewarding. It also created the prefect conditions for Becca to learn a big lesson. It's like God spelled out to me, "B.E.C.C.A. I.S. S.E.L.F.I.S.H."

"Miss Becca, will you do my hair again?" My insides were screaming, "No. I don't want to do your hair. I do your hair all the time. I haven't even been able to do my hair. It's still dripping wet from the shower and it's about to get frizzy. Just put it up in a ponytail by yourself." Thank goodness I didn't really say that, but my heart was shouting it out.

"Aw. You're just our little maid huh?" I felt like my face was on fire. Of course I wasn't their maid! I got sooo mad and felt totally offended because I wasn't being thanked for what I was doing. I had such a selfish approach to their comment and allowed it to tick me off. Thank goodness for God's grace and a sweet hug from another huddle leader, or I was sure to be in a bad mood for the night. Instead, God showed me that I might not be their "maid" exactly, but I am serving them for His glory and I need to wash their feet over and over, even when they aren't thankful.

There are many other stories or "struggles" that I could go on and on about, but the truth is, if I wasn't so selfish, those situations wouldn't have bothered me so much and I would've handled them differently. God showed me that I need to say no to myself more, and truly mean it...not just on the outside. It needs to be a heart change and a desire that I have. Like 2 Timothy 4:6 says, I need to be poured out as a drink offering, and I need to allow Christ to give me the strength and fill me up when I feel like I have no more to give. I want to be like Christ and He is a selfless Savior who gives continuously to His children. What a wonderful Savior we serve!